Recent Thought Process

So I have been thinking and kind of I guess evaluating how I want the rest of my life or at least this next stage to go. At my age at times it seems like my choices are limited but my limitations come from inside my head. I choose to take actions and I choose to become who I can truly be. I was looking at some of my old writings and what my dreams and goals (well I can't call them goals if I never planned for or took action on them) and I found much of my old ideas are still in my head and in my heart. I feel a renewed vigor and possibility coming from within me, with this comes a confidence that I haven't felt in quite a while. I know and have to constantly remind myself that I get stuck at the contemplative stage and avoid or just don't take the action steps so consequently nothing of substance happens. This in so many way is the story of my life and has held me back from becoming who and what I am supposed to be. I have no one to blame not even myself it just is what it is or more aptly put as it used to be. I am taking the steps though small they may seem at the moment to move my life toward what it can be. It is not too late and all is possible, trust and push on.

See Ya Dave

Quite a spring & summer

Just a note to share my busy and very event filled past few months. So Mary and I have reconciled, Brian, Amanda and Steve graduated from college, Amanda and Steve got married, all the kids moved out of our Chico house, we fixed up the house and got it rented out, we had our 30 year anniversary, we went to Iowa for Eugene and Sara's wedding and we bought a boat. So this has been a life changing time in my life and I have hope for the future. None of this is easy and it all takes risk but it is so much more fulfilling then mediocre acceptance of the illusion of security. On with it.

See Ya Dave

Letting Go

So it seems that all the things, ideas and people that I've held on to need to be let go. The tighter I hold on to the past the more it isn't right anymore. I realize that I have stopped growing and have lost my confidence in myself and in the way I thought things were supposed to be. When I let the passion and drive and dreams leave me I became an unattractive shell of who I could or should be. This is a classic thought pattern for a guy my age and is a turning point that will define the reality and experience I have into the future. It is my choice or if I abdicate my choice it is still a choice with results that may not please me. So I must chart the path I am to travel into my future. Zero sum thinking, start at nothing and go from there at least in my mind. Reality is that there are responsibilities and ends that need to be tied up so to speak. Then the questions begin and the big one being "who do you want to be?" well only I can answer this. Right this moment I truly don't know the answer or even how to ask myself the right questions.

See Ya Dave

Been a while

OK, OK, OK it has been far too long since I wrote anything as if anyone ever reads it. The past 2 months have had so much activity it's hard to know where to start. Brian and Amanda graduated from college, Amanda and Steve got married, Mary and I are working on living together, we ran the Bay to Breakers, all our tenants in the Chico house are moving out by the first of July. WOW! It's like a waterfall pouring down on my head it is not going to stop all I can do is adjust my position so I won't drown. Life changes that I have ignored and put off are now building up to an explosive point where change is going to happen if I lead or follow or get dragged along. I am ready for it no matter what it is. I would like a little say in how it goes though. This is a reoccurring theme in my writings and I need to pull the trigger and accept the consequences.

Love Ya and See Ya Dave

Dr. Henry Cloud

Have you heard of this guy? He is a psychologist and a Christian, he has written many books and does a video series for CCN called Solutions. He collaborates with Dr. John Townsend on many of the projects. These guys are really great and have given me help and insights that are making me a better person. The one thing they don't do is preach, they teach and it would be just as relevant for both secular or Christian. My wife Mary and I just this past week got to spend a day and a half at the live taping of the Solutions program and it was a real treat. We got to meek Dr. Cloud and the info and emotion was really something special. If you get a chance check this guy ouy it is surely worth it.

See Ya Dave

Still Crazy After All These Years

Well if anyone ever reads this they will see that I don't blog very much or very well. Oh yeah I do get those spurts of energy and creativity but they seem to be few and far between. I sometimes think I am just too boring and that my petty drama is insignificant to the big picture. So I will work at it again and see if I can get some of my feelings out for my own sake even if no one ever sees it. Maybe I can light the fire or at least add fuel to it.

Love Ya All Dave

Tough Times Again

Damn it gets tough sometimes. I want my life, my marriage, my wife back it's driving me nuts. I am working so hard at our relationship and I just keep getting shot down. I really feel like the devil or evil or whatever you want to call it is fighting to keep us apart. Why can't I have my life back? I am going to keep fighting I love my wife. Well here it is once again I am stuck and hurting and don't know what to do. Please help me God, I beg for your help, please here my prayers. I am so disheartened I need help here.

See Ya Dave