I know, I know why do I stay so stuck in the same old muck? I don't know, it just seems like I need to do everything different maybe like George Costanza on Seinfeld where everything went right when he did the exact opposite as he had always done. I hold on to the past and to the present to a fault and don't move on or up. I am slipping back and getting paralyzed and this is not good that's for sure. I feel pretty much alone in this and really can't figure out how to break this pattern that seems so destructive in my life. I go in and out of depression and can't concentrate on anything too long. I am not getting things done or moving on, so I'm at a stand still until I finally decide to just jump out of this restrictive lifestyle and go do something. Mortgages to pay, bills to pay, obligations to live up to, people to please, responsibilities that don't end, a life doing meaningless toil without worth or reward, how about that. That is my life, no wonder I crave a change. I'm sorry for being negative and I know some people will just say "Oh shit not this again." and one of them is me.
See Ya Dave
