Well as I've been stewing about for quite awhile, I am moving out of the house today.
I got a room only a few blocks away and I don't like having to do this. I can only hope that letting go of what I want the very most will bring it back in the end. I just know that everything must change, I can't take it the way it's been for so long between Mary and myself. Now that the kids are all grown and gone we have never got a common goal or dream or anything going. I truly miss her or should I say I miss us and what we had once and I think could have still. I have not been a very good planner or leader for my family and this has shown weakness that she hates.
I have hidden my insecurity and mistakes by not being totally open and honest with my dear wife. It seems to be a catch 22 to be vulnerable and appear weak or not show my problems and be less than honest, not exactly any good choice there. I have held myself back with this fear of not being accepted if she or anybody knew the real deep down me, the weak, scared, out of control little boy treading water. Not very attractive or lovable is that picture. See Ya Dave
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