Life is worth saving

This past Saturday I went to a fund raising walk out at Crissy Field in San Francisco. It was one of those perfect weather days that grace SF in late Sept. and early Oct. it was glorious. Any way the walk was for suicide prevention the group was afsp.org and was pretty gut wrenching and at the same time uplifting. People that are close to me now how suicide has touched my life and my families and the ripple effect it has, and the on going questions in our minds. I have struggled for over 40 years dealing with all the emotions surrounding suicide, guilt, fear, anger, resentment and a huge battle with depression. With depression come thoughts that I hate to admit at times include just ending it all. I have made a promise to myself and my wife that I will never do this because I know better than most the repercussions of this ultimate act. This is a subject that seems to still be taboo and avoided by most people and that is a shame. I know that it touches more lives then people like to admit and the thoughts of just ending your own personal pain has crossed more minds than will ever even admit to themselves. I love life and I want nothing but the best for everyone but we all need to look into the shadows that lurk in the back of each of our minds and confront our demons. I hope this hasn't put you off and been some morbid topic that isn't worthy of contemplation. If you need help it's out there and I am here and will listen and understand, because I am you.

See Ya Dave

God and dog share the same letters

Come on leave me some comments about this beautiful dog or any dog stuff. This is finally some positive on my blog site. At least I'm not bitching about life. My hit counter shows a lot of people looking at her first picture. Here's an updated one and you can see how fast she's growing.

See Ya Dave

My dog Shasta

This is a sweet dog, she is going to be a big girl, dark brown. I swear when I'm with her I feel so much better and younger. I still miss Sierra and feel guilty about how she died and kind of like I replaced her with Shasta. I'm going to post some pics as she grows up here on my site. So at least I will be putting something positive here instead of all my negative belly aching. She is already a lot bigger then this now. See ya Dave

Not Quite Sure What To Do

I am so very tired of being negative and struggling against the world. I am so ready to just give up and take the punches. My struggles with finances, work life, purpose and my personal relationships have been ongoing for as long as I can remember. My closest relationship my dear wife Mary says she's not sure if she still loves me. This is like the most hurtful thing that has ever been said to me. I get so many mixed messages from her and do not know how to react or respond. I'm ready to just walk off into the woods and just disappear. How do I survive this and have some purpose in my life? So it seems I just have nothing but negative going on in my life and I can't get out of it. I feel like I need to do everything different even totally opposite from the ways I have done in the past. I have always worked and paid my bills, I have always been helpful and loyal to people, I've given up what I've wanted to do to go along with others and look where I have ended up! What a big waste of time and energy. Is my past worth saving? That just doesn't make any sense, the past is gone why hold on to it. Even my dreams or the way I thought things were suppose to be, just aren't anymore. I keep holding on to a complete illusion that was and will never be so I'm not quite sure what to do.