I'm struggling with the fact that whatever I do at this point won't satisfy my dear wife. I hate being negative all the time and I'm going to stop, that's what I have to do first. Next I need to get back to living a meaningful life. Being in limbo just sucks. The thought of giving up everything I ever thought I wanted and just hanging it all out in the wind is very scary. The thought of growing old alone is as sad as anything I could imagine. So where do I go with this?????? I just need to let it all go and that is very tough to do. Then I need to grow, as in move toward something a goal a dream anything. I am bored and boring and this is a big reason why my wife doesn't want to put up with me and why I am so down on myself. I stopped growing at several different points in my life, now it effects everything I do or don't do. I am at a stand still until I give it all up. Do I fight or give up or what is the combination that will work?????? Same old stuff and I can't stand it, sorry about that. As if anyone reads this blather anyway, I just bitch at myself. Very productive.
See Ya Dave
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