Sunday, December 27, 2009

Made It Thruogh Christmas


Christmas has just past and the New Year fast approaches, what will this next year bring? I am hopeful and yet somewhat sceptical, it has been hard to accept what has happened financially in the past couple of years. At my age I should be thinking about retirement, but my poor planning and lack of foresight has left me kind of shell shocked. I had thought since we owned or were buying two houses and they were going up in value that by the time we got to retirement age we could sell off, downsize and live OK. Not now we owe more on the houses now and it may take 10 years to get back to even. Is it worth it? Not quite sure what to do. Lost 50% on my 401K's and who knows if my MCE shares will ever pay off in the end. So I go on to a dead end job that is very unfulfilling and barely covers my living expenses and I am thankful to have it right now. Where do I go from here? This is the constant question on my mind. My stupid pride has made me be less then truthful to my wife and has caused huge problems between us. I am not even living at my own house I am renting a room and this is another expense I can't afford. I miss having a life and having fun and working toward something. I am empty! I am ready for a complete change. I must remember there is a price to be paid for every decision and action or for that matter the lack there of.


See Ya Dave

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Tough Time Of The Year


Almost everyone that knows me and my history knows why this time of year is tough for me.

I don't want to stay stuck in the past any longer. This is easy to say but my mind has something blocking me from overcoming these thought patterns. I am actively controlling my thoughts as best as I can. This is a constant battle to stay in the right frame of mind and not just let old patterns reappear. Over the years I have had good holiday seasons and also bad. My wife and children have had to deal with my mood and sometimes my need to just escape. At times I wonder how and why Mary has put up with me, she must love me. I am today fighting a very deep depression and I know that the changes in my life circumstances has a lot to do with it. I am letting everything mount up on me and it gets to feeling overwhelming. So as I go through the next few weeks I ask God and myself for some grace and patients. Have a great Christmas and holiday season and take care of yourselves, I love you all.

See Ya Dave

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Am I Psyco?


Alright I don't know about you but I just love this show "Dexter". It is about as dark a premis as any show could be. I'm not going to go over what it's about or anything because if you don't know this show you just won't get it. Dexter is a metifore for every man's rage and need for control of course taken to as extreme as it can get. Anyway I love it and can identify with it. So am I sick or what?

See Ya Dave