I'm Tired

Life as it is is just sucking all the energy out of me. It just seems so rough to go day to day. I know this is being a cry baby and "Oh I have it soooo bad!' sounds kind of stupid. I feel run down and not in anyway appreciated. I am going to break some old not useful habits and start some new useful ones. That was a strange sentence. I have gotten myself stuck in this situation and I alone can get myself out. I am processing my options in my head and making a plan of action.

See Ya

How did I get here?

So was this a choice I made to be here in the life situation that I find myself in? Well how could it not be. Am I just a leaf blown around by the wind that has no course of it's own? That is sure what I feel like most of the time. I wouldn't have chosen to be in the job I'm in or the financially strapped position I am in. I would have gotten a life inspiring education that I could have developed into a rewarding career. I have great mental capacity and I'm very intelligent but a lack of drive and direction this has just made me a tool of this corrupted world. When I was younger I figured there was plenty of time to live my dreams and rectify any youthful mistakes, WRONG!!! I have been lead around by circumstances instead of creating my own circumstances, this has become a habit or lifestyle, that is really sick you know. Anyway as I get older and following this same worn path is insane, I must make some bold and transforming changes. This whole process starts in my head, that's where I am right now in my head. This is a long hard process I have been at it for quite a while.and still have far to go.

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I am VW dreaming

OK so this site is still working and I might as well use it. For a long time something was wrong with it am I just got tired of fooling with it.

I used to be the go to guy for old VW's I had lots of collectible parts and I was a great Bug mechanic. The problem was I am not a great business man so I could work hard and had all this knowledge but could not seem to parlay it into a reasonable income. I gave up on a passion and let the obstacles stop me instead. Lately I have been wanting to do a VW project or even start building engines again. I miss the garage and the people. It doesn't seem impossible. I have gone back to college for automotive certifications and I have gotten my ASE certification as an official auto tech. I plan to get my California Smog Licence and air cond. Lic. get some up to date experience working as a weekend tech. After that I plan to open my own smog test and air cond. shop. Maybe it's not too late to rekindle a passion.

can I still post

help me out here is it working

A New Routine

As usual when I'm going through a funk I stop writing and of course this is when I should be getting my thoughts out. I have decided to change a lot of things in my life and in my mind. I am so tired of being scared and insecure this is a challenge I am facing head on. I ask myself what are you afraid of and why don't you take any risks? You know I really don't have a reasonable answer. I don't even have a clue, it's like the monster under your bed when you were a kid, it didn't really exist. I am setting up defined steps in a routine I am going to embark upon in a quest to stretch myself to accomplice more of what my potential provides. Interesting words, now to put it in to practice. I will write down my goals, the plan, the results as I go along this path I am blazing. This is a very positive undertaking and I am anxious to get it moving.

See Ya Dave

CAN I JUST BE DONE !!!!!!

I just want to be done with this part of my life. The next part has to be better.

What To Do With The Rest Of My Days?

Yeah I am always bitching and moaning and I can't stand myself, no wonder no one else can either. So all I can figure to do is just give in to the fact that I am a pretty sick in the head individual. My wife wants a divorce my kids don't want to be around me, I have no real friends. So what do I have? My dog still likes me. I have taken another 10% pay cut that brings it to over a 25% total cut in the past 13 months. I am mounting a job search and this is a tough market, I am also going to college classes. So as I bitch a little bit more and of course no one will hear or know my desperation I will just get it off my chest for the moment. I surely didn't envision this kind of a life for me or the people I care about in life. The thought process gets cloudy and confused when you feel so trapped and like a slave to the capitalist system we are forced into.

I have for the entirety of my life worked day to day for the essentials in life, gave up on my own personal dreams for some kind of misguided duty. By me not becoming who I am supposed to be I have short changed everyone I have come in contact with. SORRY!!!! See Ya Dave