Puppies Make Life Worth Living

I had forgotten how something as simple as our dear Shasta having puppies could bring me so much joy. The  
day to day moments the little things that make life worth living are happening all around us all the time. For some reason it seems I just don't notice most of it and that is surely unfortunate. Anyway I am going to be aware and live the moments and do my best to not let them slip between my fingers. It's never too late.

Love Ya Dave

The Other Side

So after losing an old friend the question comes up as to what is on the " Other Side"? I guess your perception of this would be directly related to your religion or lack there of. I vacillate between my own interpretation of faith and the dogma delivered to us by others seeking power over us. I identify as Christian and I believe Christ teaching but I have a different way of understanding what I am hearing and reading. I very much believe God and Christ wanted and required each of us to use all the critical thinking skill we were given to wade through all the man made miss information fed to us. It all come back to God and Christ being LOVE and Christ saying the only way to heaven ( collective conscience ) is through him LOVE. The way I see it and understand it is that we are each a part of everything and that God is everything and if God is LOVE the only way for us to connect to God is through LOVE. The first 2 commandment in the Bible, 1) LOVE God with all your heart, 2) LOVE your neighbor as yourself. Need I say more? The Bible as I see it are inspired human words, good words for the most part and much truly prophetic but still human and need to be understood as such and used along with ALL other information and personal revelation to form a personal belief system. Take it for what it's worth.

Love Ya Dave

Lost Friends

Rest in peace Richard Earl Dade. So as I go through life I have had to remove myself for reasons of survival and sanity from situations and groups of people. Unfortunately some very close and very needed and wanted relationships have been lost. I always told myself oh I'll look them up someday we'll get back together for old times sake. Well those times don't happen next thing you know you are reading an obituary. Kicking myself in the ass and crying my eyes out. I loved this guy and he knew it but I didn't make the time or take the effort to stay connected. Now it's too late and I even missed the funeral. There was a time when this guy Rich saved me from despair and gave me family. I can't say too much more cause tears are clouding my vision.

MISS YOU OLD FRIEND

Back At It

OK it's been a long time since I wrote on this blog and I know it may be just futile and unnoticed. Anyway I still have a lot to say and have just been holding it in and hiding from the truth and at the same time isolating myself. At times I get scared of how I seem so disconnectted from everyone and everything it doesn't feel right. I have been through a lot of therapy, read so many self help books, been in groups and I still can't get it right. I some how let relationships just die on the vine and just get more and more distant. Then sometimes especially with my dear wife I actually sabotage our closeness. This is the one that really kills me, Mary is my only close friend and I seem to over and over screw up our marriage. I am also distant from my 2 older sons from a previous realationship that I had at a very young age. So that keeps me from being close to my grandkids. So the snowball gets bigger as it rolls ever faster down that never ending hill. OUCH I hurt and I am not alright with it. So I am back actively working on my character defects and am reaching out of my box to make some dramatic changes. Let's see how it goes, maybe that means journaling and blogging on a regular basis. Also reaching out to make contact with the people I have always cared about but have lost close touch with and right hear at home with Mary I love her dearly and want her to be happy. I know I must learn to be positive, content and happy inside myself before I can be a happy part of her life. Love Ya All